Short funny stories in english part 5
A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends.
Brunette: “Last night I had three orgasms in a row!”
Blonde: “That’s nothing; last night I had over a hundred.”
Brunette: “My god! I had no idea he was that good.”
Blonde: (looking shocked) “Oh, you mean with one guy?”
DISCUSSING BOYFRIENDS – Short funny stories in english
One Sunday morning William burst into the living room and said, “Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.
After dinner, William’s dad took him aside. “Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years. She’s a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and I’m afraid you can’t marry her.”
William was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, “Diane said yes! We’re getting married in June.”
Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. “Diane is your half-sister too, William. I’m awfully sorry about this.”
William was furious! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news. “Dad has done so much harm. I guess I’m never going to get married,” he complained. “Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister.”
His mother just shook her head. “Don’t pay any attention to what he says, dear. He’s not really your father.”
It was the first day after Christmas vacation in a 3rd grade class.
The teacher told the class that each student could tell the class one thing they got for Christmas. So, the teacher calls on a girl to come up to the front of the class and tell everyone one thing she got.
“My daddy got me a Bow-Wow,” she said.
The teacher tells the class that they are old enough to know the correct words for things without using nicknames. The teacher tells the girl to try again.
The girl thinks real hard…”My dad got me a dog,” she said.
She sat down and a boy got up and said, “I got a choo-choo!”
The teacher scolded him and told him to try again.
The boy thought hard and said, “I got an electric train!”
That boy sits down and a really shy kid gets up and sadly says, “I got a book.”
The teacher feels bad for the kid and she asks, “What was the title of the book?”
The boy thinks very hard. The class waits as the boy is thinking.
Finally, the boys face brightened and he said, “Winnie The Shit!”
A good looking woman walked into an orchard and found a lovely pool in it, and decided to go skinny-dipping. She looked around, didn’t see anyone, and undressed.
Naked and just as she was about to dive in, the orchard grower appeared from behind the bush where he was hiding all along and told her that swimming was prohibited.
“You could have told me that before I undressed!” she scolded him.
He replied, “Hey! Only swimming is prohibited, undressing isn’t…”
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde went to a fitness spa for some fun and relaxation. After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies room and found a strange looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, “Welcome to the ladies room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded with a wish. But, be warned, for if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!”
The three women quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, the brunette said, “I think I’m the most beautiful of us three,” and in an instant she was surrounded by a pile of money.
The redhead stepped up and said, “I think I’m the most talented of us three,” and she suddenly found the key to a brand new Porsche in her hands.
Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, the blonde looked into the mirror and said, “I think…” and was promptly sucked into the mirror.