Most funny quotes

The Most funny quotes

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Being able to respond with sarcasm within seconds of a stupid question is a sign of a healthy brain.
Being able to respond with sarcasm within seconds of a stupid question is a sign of a healthy brain.
DEAR SLEEP, I'm sorry I hated you when I was a young kid. Right now I love you very much and I cherish every moment with you.
DEAR SLEEP,
I’m sorry I hated you when I was a young kid. Right now I love you very much and I cherish every moment with you.
Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. ~ Mark Twain
Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. ~ Mark Twain
Anger management: When angry with someone, it helps to sit down and think about the problem...
Anger management: When angry with someone, it helps to sit down and think about the problem…
I'm sorry, but we don;'t have anything scheduled today in the form of giving a fuck. But, I can pencil you in for a go fuck yourself later this afternoon.
I’m sorry, but we don;’t have anything scheduled today in the form of giving a fuck. But, I can pencil you in for a go fuck yourself later this afternoon.
I stopped fighting mu inner demons. We're on the same side now.
I stopped fighting mu inner demons. We’re on the same side now.
The only reason I'm fat is because a tiny body couldn't store all this personality.
The only reason I’m fat is because a tiny body couldn’t store all this personality.
I'm sorry, but we don;'t have anything scheduled today in the form of giving a fuck. But, I can pencil you in for a go fuck yourself later this afternoon.
I’m sorry, but we don;’t have anything scheduled today in the form of giving a fuck. But, I can pencil you in for a go fuck yourself later this afternoon.
The only reason I'm fat is because a tiny body couldn't store all this personality.
The only reason I’m fat is because a tiny body couldn’t store all this personality.
A friend doesn't go on a diet because yu are fat. ~ Erma Bombeck
A friend doesn’t go on a diet because yu are fat. ~ Erma Bombeck
Love makes everything better
Love makes everything better.
How do I put this? You will never "sleep in" again.
How do I put this?
You will never “sleep in” again.
Don't stop BELIEVING!!!
Don’t stop BELIEVING!!!
Please... Don't tell me it's monday tomorrow!
Please… Don’t tell me it’s monday tomorrow!
Every Morning I do 10 sit ups... to hit the snooze alarm!
Every Morning I do 10 sit ups… to hit the snooze alarm!
"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day."
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”
doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you're finished.
Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you’re finished.
"After all, we are nothing more or less than what we choose to reveal."
“After all, we are nothing more or less than what we choose to reveal.”
When I'm sad I stop being sad and be awesome instead.
When I’m sad I stop being sad and be awesome instead.
I don't wanna be a nugget... I don't wanna!!!
I don’t wanna be a nugget…
I don’t wanna!!!
Taking away the lives of animals in order to convert them into food does great violence to the principles of benevolence and compassion. ~ David Hartley
Taking away the lives of animals in order to convert them into food does great violence to the principles of benevolence and compassion. ~ David Hartley
Music is the prayer the heart sings.
Music is the prayer the heart sings.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. ~ Isaac Asimov
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. ~ Isaac Asimov
Billy Tauzin is one of the most interesting peiople in Washgington. Her is smart, funny, and interesting. ~ Tucker Carlson
Billy Tauzin is one of the most interesting peiople in Washgington. Her is smart, funny, and interesting. ~ Tucker Carlson
The best thing about me... I'm a limited edition. There are no other copies! Bet you're thinking thank the good lord!
The best thing about me… I’m a limited edition. There are no other copies! Bet you’re thinking thank the good lord!
Never let your friends feeln lonely! Disturb them at all times!
Never let your friends feel lonely! Disturb them at all times!
A thing of beauty is a joy forever. ~ John Keats
A thing of beauty is a joy forever. ~ John Keats
Change your thoughts and youi change yoiur world. ~ Norman Vincent Peale
Change your thoughts and you change your world. ~ Norman Vincent Peale
If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness and fears. ~ Cesare Pavese
If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness and fears. ~ Cesare Pavese
"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." ~ Dr. Seuss
“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” ~ Dr. Seuss
Stand back! I got dis one!
Stand back! I got dis one!
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