The best funny short stories for kids

The best Funny short stories for kids full

The Law of Gravity

A school kid asks his teacher, “Is it true that the law of gravity keeps us on Earth?”

The teacher replied, “Yes.”

The kid then asked, “What kept us before the law was passed?” –

funny short stories for kids

The best funny short stories for kids

The Same Name

5-year-old Nicholas was sitting on a department store Santa’s lap and told him, “My name’s the same as yours.”

Santa’s helper blows his cover when he says, “Well, hello, Harold!”

Christmas Gifts

It was the first day after Christmas vacation in a 3rd grade class.
The teacher told the class that each student could tell the class one thing they got for Christmas. So, the teacher calls on a girl to come up to the front of the class and tell everyone one thing she got.

“My daddy got me a Bow-Wow,” she said.

The teacher tells the class that they are old enough to know the correct words for things without using nicknames. The teacher tells the girl to try again.

The girl thinks real hard…”My dad got me a dog,” she said.

She sat down and a boy got up and said, “I got a choo-choo!”

The teacher scolded him and told him to try again.

The boy thought hard and said, “I got an electric train!”
That boy sits down and a really shy kid gets up and sadly says, “I got a book.”

The teacher feels bad for the kid and she asks, “What was the title of the book?”

the best funny short stories for kids

The best funny short stories for kids

The boy thinks very hard. The class waits as the boy is thinking.
Finally, the boys face brightened and he said, “Winnie The Shit!” –

Animal Sounds

A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions. “Davy, what noise does a cow make?” “It goes moo.” “Alice, what noise does a cat make?” “It goes meow.” “Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?” “It goes baaa.” “Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?” “Errr.., it goes.. click!”

ANIMAL SOUNDS the best funny short stories for kid

ANIMAL SOUNDS – the best funny short stories for kids

Now and Then

The times, they’re always changing, and so is the wisdom that parents impart to their children. Here are some modern takes on old standbys:

Then: No TV until your homework is finished.
Now: No Web surfing until your homework is finished.

Then: That phone is going to become attached to your ear.
Now: If you can’t reach me at the office, try the gym. Or there’s always my cellphone.

Then: Eat everything on your plate.
Now: Watch your fat intake. There’s heart disease in our family.
Then: I worked my fingers to the bone for you.
Now: I worked my bones into carpal tunnel syndrome for you.

Then: Do you think I’m made of money?
Now: Do you think I’m made of money?

Can’t find it

Norman was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom.

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So Norman raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused.

Of course the teacher said yes, but asked Norman to be quick.

Five minutes later Norman returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed.

“I can’t find it,” he admitted.
The teacher sat Norman down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now.

Norman looked at the diagram, said “yes” and goes on his way.

Well, five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher “I can’t find it”.

Frustrated, the teacher asked Eddie, a boy who has been at the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom.

So Eddie and Norman go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats.

The teacher asks Eddie, “Well, did you find it?”

Eddie is quick with his reply: “Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards.”

Grandpa Driving with His Granddaughter

Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation.

GRANDPA DRIVING WITH HIS GRANDDAUGHTER

The best funny short stories for kids

He said, “I did that by accident.”

She replied, “I know that, Grandpa.”

He replied, “How did you know?”
She said, “Because you didn’t say ‘crap’ afterwards.”

Little Johnny at the Circus

Little Johnny is excited because the circus has come to town and his mum has got front row tickets for him. Finally the evening comes and Little Johnny and his mum go off to the big top. Little Johnny sits there and enjoys the lions and the tigers and the jugglers and the trapeze artists, and finally out comes little Johnnys favourites, the clowns. Johnny is loving the clowns and their humorous japes until one of the clowns comes up to him and says ‘Little boy are you the front end of an ass?’ ‘No,’ replies little Johnny. ‘Are you the rear end of an ass?’ ‘No,’ replies little Johnny again. ‘In that case,’ says the clown, ‘you must be no end of an ass.’ Little Johnny is distraught and he runs out of the circus and all the way home in tears. When his mum catches up with him she says, ‘Little Johnny don’t worry, your Uncle Marvo, the master of lightning wit, backchat and repartee, is coming to stay tomorrow. We will take him to the circus and he will sort that nasty clown out.’ At this news little Johnny cheers up and looks forward to the next night. The next night comes and, sure enough, Uncle Marvo, the master of lightning wit, backchat and repartee arrives and the three of them set off for the circus. When they get there Little Johnny, his mum and Uncle Marvo, the master of lightning wit, backchat and repartee, sit down and enjoy the lions, the tigers, the jugglers and the trapeze artists, and then out come the clowns. Again Little Johnny is enjoying their antics and yet again one of the clowns comes up to him and says, ‘Little boy are you the front end of an ass?’ Quick as a flash, Uncle Marvo, the master of lightning wit, backchat and repartee jumps up and shouts at the very top of his voice: ‘Fuck off you Red nosed Cunt!’

Daddy Hugged

The little daughter asked her mother, “How do you make a baby?”

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The mother didn’t know how to react. So she thought real hard, “Well, daddy hugged mommy really hard and 9 months later we had a baby.”
“Well,” the little girl said, “I’m never going to hug daddy again!”

DADDY-HUGGED

The best funny short stories for kids

Lick That

Tommy, Johnny and Harry were standing around bullshitting about how tough their fathers were. “My dad went 12 rounds with Mike Tyson. Lick that!” said young Harry. “Well, my dad did two tours of Vietnam and killed 19 men… so lick that!” Tommy said. “That’s nothing!” declared little Johnny. “My dad hasn’t wiped his ass in 10 years… so lick that!”

Introduction

The little darlings were all in their seats on the first day of school and their new teacher introduced herself. She wrote on the board that her name is Ms. Prussy and the day passed without any further incidents. The next morning after greeting the class she asked if anyone remembered her name and little Johnny waved frantically. The teacher taken by his enthusiasm called on him. In a timid voice he said “Miss Crunt?”

Stupid Mistakes

Teacher: How can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day? Little Johnny: I get up early.

Animal Game

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises his/her hand. The teacher says “See it’s long neck? What animal has a long neck?”

Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. “Very good Sally,” the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a zebra.

None of the students holds up his/her hands. “See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?” Billy holds up his hand and says it is a zebra. “Very good Billy,” the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students recognized the animal.

ANIMAL GAME

The best funny short stories for kids

“See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?”

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Still no one guesses. “Let me give you another hint, it’s something your mother calls your father.”

Johnny shouts out “I know what it is, it’s a horny bastard.”

You Wanna Play Doctor?

Little Johnny was sitting on the bench in the park. Suzie comes along chomping on her bubblegum. Suzie asked, “You wanna play doctor?” Johnny replied, “No, that too old fashioned. Spit out you gum, I wanna play president.”

YOU WANNA PLAY DOCTOR?

The best funny short stories for kids

Boy and Priest

A boy finished cutting the lawn of a priest… The grass was very thick and long, and it took the boy about 4 hours to cut. He approached the Father for payment and the priest paid him $1.00. The boy said “Thank you, virgin Father!” The priest replied, “What did you say?” The boy repeated, “Thank you, virgin Father!” The priest asked him, “Do you know what that means?” The boy replied, “Yes… tight ass!”

Small Boy is Sent to Bed

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later: “Da-ad…” “What?” “I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?” “No. You had your chance. Lights out!” Five minutes later: “Da-aaad…” “What??” “I’m thirsty… Can I have a drink of water??” “I told you no! If you ask again I’ll have to spank you!!” Five minutes later: “Daaaa-aaaaad…” “What??!!” “When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?”

SMALL BOY IS SENT TO BED

The best funny short stories for kids

Johnny’s Father Catches Him Jerking Off

Dirty Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him jerking off. He says, “Son, every time you do that you kill an innocent baby.” The next day his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Pop. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”

Grandma Better

Little Johnny says to his mother “Mommy, I have to go and tinkle.” The mother replies back “Would you like Mommy to take you?” Little Johnny says “No, let grandma… her hand shakes!” – See more at:
Good Shot!

GRANDMA BETTER - The best funny short stories for kid

The best funny short stories for kids

Little Harry walks in the bathroom and sees his mum with no clothes on, standing in front of him, he looks up at her private parts he asks “What’s that mum?” His mum frozen tried to think what to say, finally she came up with the following, “That’s where your dad accidentially hit me with an axe!” and little Harry replies, “Good shot, right in the cunt!” – See more at:

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The Best Funny Stories Jokes And Quotes
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