Funny short stories for adults part 3
A Girl Scout troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a young couple was engaged in oral sex. “Back ladies, back!” cried the leader. “There’s a very dangerous beast out there!” But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was the couple was doing. “Well, err… if you must know, uh, they were practicing a brand new form of artificial respiration… yeah, that’s it, it’s artificial respiration!” “Wow!” exclaimed the oldest of the group. “I know which merit badge I’m gonna try for next!”
Girlfriend in the Car
A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk’s buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the back-seat. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw Pete and his girlfriend entwined, then walked back into the bar laughing. “What’s so funny?” the bartender asked. “That damned Pete!” the drunk chortled, “He’s so drunk, he thinks he’s me!”
Let’s Screw Again…
It’s the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He’s a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in. Carrie’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?,” he says. “That’s cool” says Bobby. Carrie’s father asks Bobby what they’re planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie. Carrie’s father responds “why don’t you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.” Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby-so he asks Carrie’s Dad to repeat it. “Yeah,” says Carries father, “Carrie really likes to screw; she’ll screw all night if we let her!” Well, this just made Bobby’s eyes light up, and his plan for the evening was beginning to look pretty good. A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she’s ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door. About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father: “Dammit Daddy! It’s called the TWIST!”
365 Used Rubbers
Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A: Make a tire and call it a good year.
Man Walks into a Pharmacy…
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the woman behind the counter, “Is there a male pharmacist available?” “No” she says, “My sister and I own this place and we are both pharmacists. How can we help you?” The man steps back, opens his coat revealing this rather large bulge in the front of his pants and says, “Its been like this for 7 days now, can you give me anything for it?” “Hmmm”, says the woman, “Let me go consult my sister.” Moments later she returns and says, “OK, we’ll give you $400 cash and a half interest in the pharmacy.”