Funny short animal stories part 3

Funny short animal stories part 3

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How to Make a Horse Work

An out-of-towner accidentally drives his car into a deep ditch on the side of a country road. Luckily a farmer happened by with his big old horse named Benny. The man asked for help. The farmer said Benny could pull his car out. So he backed Benny up and hitched Benny to the man’s car bumper. Then he yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull.” Benny didn’t move. Then he yelled, “Come on, pull Ranger.” Still, Benny didn’t move. Then he yelled really loud, “Now pull, Fred, pull hard.” Benny just stood. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, “Okay, Benny, pull.” Benny pulled the car out of the ditch. The man was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer said, “Oh, Benny is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling he wouldn’t even try.”

HOW TO MAKE A HORSE WORK

HOW TO MAKE A HORSE WORK – Funny short animal stories

Omnivorous Monkey

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone’s amazement, somehow he swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?” The guy says “No, what?” “He just ate the cue ball off my pool table whole!” “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the guy, “He eats everything in sight, the little pig. Sorry. I’ll pay for the cue ball and stuff. ” He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves. Two weeks later he’s in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?” he asks. “No, what?” replies the guy. “Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it!” said the bartender. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the guy. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything first.”

Artificial Insemination

A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a veterinarian for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination. The guy doesn’t have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant. The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means HE has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn’t take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed. The next morning he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed. The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are laying in the grass. “No,” she says, “they’re all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn.”

Teaching the Parrots

A lady approaches her priest and says, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.” “What do they say?” the priest inquires. “They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'” “That’s terrible,” the priest exclaims, “but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.” “Thank you!” the woman responds. The next day, the woman brings her female parrots to the priest’s house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say, “Hi, we’re prostitutes, want to have some fun?” One male parrot looks at the other male parrot and exclaims, “Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!”

Gorilla Removal Service

This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one. “Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?” the service guy asks. “Boy”, is the mans’ response. “Oh yeah, I can do it. I’ll be right there”. An hour later the service guy shows up with a stick, Chihuahua, shotgun and a pair of hand cuffs. He then gives the man some instructions. “Now, I’m going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls. When he does, the trained Chihuahua will bite the gorilla’s balls off. The gorilla will then cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on”. The man asks “What do I do with the shotgun?” “If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the dog”

READ  Short funny family stories part 5
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The Best Funny Stories Jokes And Quotes
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