Funny quotes

Funny quotes

Read and enjoy Funny quotes!

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>>> Best quotes in friendship

>>> Funny love sayings

I will slap you so hard even google won't be able to find you.
I will slap you so hard even google won’t be able to find you.
Smart cars, smarts TVs, smart phones.... When will they start making smart people?
Smart cars, smarts TVs, smart phones….
When will they start making smart people?
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. - Isaac Asimoy
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
– Isaac Asimoy
Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree, that makes it a plant... so chocolate is a salad.
Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree, that makes it a plant… so chocolate is a salad.
Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly. Funny quotes
Don’t know where your kids are in the house?
Turn off the internet and they’ll show up quickly.
Funny quotes
Sometimes I wish I was a bird... So I could fly over certain people and poop on their heads!
Sometimes I wish I was a bird…
So I could fly over certain people and poop on their heads!
A best friend is like a four leaf cloves, hard to find, lucky to have.
A best friend is like a four leaf cloves, hard to find, lucky to have.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
– Mark Twain
God please give me patience, if you give me strength I will just punch them in the face. Funny quotes
God please give me patience, if you give me strength I will just punch them in the face.
Funny quotes
To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.
To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that’s even more human.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. - Mark Twain
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.
– Mark Twain
Why do they call it "beauty sleep" when you wake up looking like a troll!
Why do they call it “beauty sleep” when you wake up looking like a troll!
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. - Margaret Mead
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
– Margaret Mead
In the morning you beg to sleep more, in the afternoon you are dying to sleep, and at night you refuse to sleep. Funny quotes
In the morning you beg to sleep more, in the afternoon you are dying to sleep, and at night you refuse to sleep.
Funny quotes
Interrupt my sleep and I'll interrupt your breathing.
Interrupt my sleep and I’ll interrupt your breathing.
Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face!
Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts.
Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face!
That moment when you walk into a spider web and suddenly turn into a karate master.
That moment when you walk into a spider web and suddenly turn into a karate master.
Remember, If we get caught, you are deaf and I don't speak English!
Remember, If we get caught, you are deaf and I don’t speak English!
Stupid people were put on this Earth.. Just to test my anger management skills. Funny quotes
Stupid people were put on this Earth.. Just to test my anger management skills.
Funny quotes
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful women is one who can find such a man.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful women is one who can find such a man.
A good friend helps you up when you fall.. A best friend laugh in your face and trips you again!!
A good friend helps you up when you fall..
A best friend laugh in your face and trips you again!!
Never doubt a mother! She can carry a screaming toddler, two gallons of milk, talk on her cellphone and still slap the shit out of you for looking at her crazy.
Never doubt a mother!
She can carry a screaming toddler, two gallons of milk, talk on her cellphone and still slap the shit out of you for looking at her crazy.
I know the voices in my head aren't real... But sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
I know the voices in my head aren’t real…
But sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
Good relationships... Don't just happen, they take time, patience, and two people who truly want to be together. Funny quotes
Good relationships…
Don’t just happen, they take time, patience, and two people who truly want to be together.
Funny quotes
Never take a solemn oath. People think you mean it. - Norman cousins
Never take a solemn oath. People think you mean it.
– Norman cousins
I saw a carrot... This big, no lie.
I saw a carrot… This big, no lie.
I smile because you're my family... I laugh because there's nothing you can do about it!
I smile because you’re my family… I laugh because there’s nothing you can do about it!
I don't always fart when you have company over... but when I do, I make sure I walk out of the room so everyone thinks it's you.
I don’t always fart when you have company over… but when I do, I make sure I walk out of the room so everyone thinks it’s you.
I don't always get bitches but when I do, I give them this look. Funny quotes
I don’t always get bitches but when I do, I give them this look.
Funny quotes
The Best Funny Stories Jokes And Quotes
Funny World Online. The Best Funny Stories Jokes And Quotes, Funny Videos... A collection of the funniest stories and jokes, videos, quotes, poetries, news...Hope you have fun :)

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