Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes

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The best thing about me... I'm a limited edition. There are no other copies! Bet you're thinking. Thank the good lord!
The best thing about me…
I’m a limited edition.
There are no other copies!
Bet you’re thinking.
Thank the good lord!
Today's the day. I can feel it. Today I am going to catch the red dot! Funny Quotes
Today’s the day. I can feel it.
Today I am going to catch the red dot!
Funny Quotes
There is nothing in the world so wonderful As to love and be loved And there is nothing in the world so painful As to lose the person you loved.
There is nothing in the world so wonderful
As to love and be loved
And there is nothing in the world so painful
As to lose the person you loved.
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. - John Lennon
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.
– John Lennon
Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistake. - Oscar Wilde
Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistake.
– Oscar Wilde
You can't leave footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to leave butt prints in the sands of time? Funny Quotes
You can’t leave footprints in the sands of time if you’re sitting on your butt.
And who wants to leave butt prints in the sands of time?
Funny Quotes
Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face!
Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts.
Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face!
I know the voice in my head aren't real... But sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
I know the voice in my head aren’t real…
But sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. - Margaret Mead
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
– Margaret Mead
My diet plan: Make al of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look!
My diet plan Make l of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look!
I watched you sffer I saw you die But all I could do, was sit close by you went away, we had to part God eased your pain but broken my heart. Funny Quotes
I watched you suffer
I saw you die
But all I could do, was sit close by you went away, we had to part
God eased your pain but broken my heart.
Funny Quotes
An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it. - Don Marquis
An idea isn’t responsible for the people who believe in it.
– Don Marquis
God please give me patience, if you give me strength I will just punch them in the face.
God please give me patience, if you give me strength I will just punch them in the face.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. - Don marquis
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
– Don marquis
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. - Elbert Hubbard
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
– Elbert Hubbard
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth Funny Quotes
If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
– Alice Roosevelt Longworth
Funny Quotes
I think my iphone is broken. I pressed the home button and I'm still at work.
I think my iphone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.
We are born wet, naked, and hungry. Then things get worse.
We are born wet, naked, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Interrupt my sleep and i'll interrupt your breathing.
Interrupt my sleep and i’ll interrupt your breathing.
If people are talking about you behind your back, then just fart!
If people are talking about you behind your back, then just fart!
I changed my password every where to 'incorrect'. That way when i forget it, it always reminds me, 'your password is incorrect'. Funny Quotes
I changed my password every where to ‘incorrect’. That way when i forget it, it always reminds me, ‘your password is incorrect’.
Funny Quotes
It take real skill to choke on air, fall up stairs and trip over completely nothing. I have that skill....
It take real skill to choke on air, fall up stairs and trip over completely nothing. I have that skill….
A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.
A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.
I wish i lived a world where mosquitoes would suck FAT instead of blood.
I wish i lived a world where mosquitoes would suck FAT instead of blood.
Whenever I have a panic attack I put a brown paper bag over my mouth.... and drink all of the vodka inside. It seems to help!
Whenever I have a panic attack I put a brown paper bag over my mouth…. and drink all of the vodka inside.
It seems to help!
Don't text me while i'm in the middle of texting you. Now i have to change my whole text. Funny Quotes
Don’t text me while i’m in the middle of texting you. Now i have to change my whole text.
Funny Quotes
A women's mind cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often. -Oliver Herford
A women’s mind cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.
-Oliver Herford
When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. Whrn you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31.
When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it’s already 6:45. Whrn you’re at work and it’s 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it’s 2:31.
"I'm going to bed" really means "i'm going to lie in my bed and go on my phone."
“I’m going to bed” really means “i’m going to lie in my bed and go on my phone.”

 

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