Funny dirty jokes part 3
Bring In the Camel
A Captain in the foreign legion was transfered to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sargent leading the tour, “What’s the camel for?”. The Sargent replied “Well sir it’s a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel.” The captain said “Well if it’s good for moral, then I guess it’s all right with me.” After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sargent, “BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!” The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters. The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sargent,
“Is that how the enlisted men do it?” The Sargent replied, “Well sir, they usually just use the camel to ride into town to find the women.
The young Swedish au pair had been working for the couple for over a year. While pleasant and hardworking, the girl still struggled with the English language.
One day she informed the Lady of the House, that her boyfriend in the Army was coming for a visit.
“That’s wonderful. How long is his furlough?” asked the lady.
“Oh… about the same as your husband’s, but a little bit thicker,” the au pair replied.
Breaking Up the Monotony
Steve complained to his friend Al that lovemaking with his wife was becoming routine and boring. “Get creative buddy. Break up the monotony. Why don’t you try playing doctor for an hour?” “Sounds great,” Steve replied, “but how do you make it last for an hour?” “Hell, just keep her in the waiting room for 45 minutes!”
A man is driving down the freeway when he sees a sign that says, “Get gas and free sex here”. So obviously the guy was interested, so he stopped, filled up went inside to pay. “Pick a number from 1 – 10 to get free sex.” said the cashier. “Uh, okay, 3!” the man replied. “Nope! Sorry play again”. So the guy drove around for weeks always getting gas at the same place, because he wanted his free sex. One day he was really ticked: “This has got to be rigged! I have never gotten the number to have free sex!” He screamed. “Oh no! It’s not rigged, just ask your wife, she won 3 times last week alone!”
Sperm Bank Robbery
A man wearing a balaclava bursts into a sperm bank with a shot gun. “Open the fucking safe!” he yells at the girl behind the counter. “But we’re not a real bank” replies the girl. “This is a sperm bank, we don’t hold money”. “Don’t argue just open the safe or I’ll blow your fucking head off!”. She obliges and opens the safe door. “Take one of the bottles and drink it!” “But it’s full of sperm” the girl replies nervously. “Don’t argue, just drink it” he says. She prises off the cap and gulps it down. “Take out another one and drink it too!” he demands. The girl drinks another one. Suddenly the guy pulls off the balaclava and to the girl’s amazement it’s her husband… “Not that fucking difficult is it?” he says.