The best funny business stories.
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There was a farmer who had a herd of pigs. One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer: “What do you use to feed your pigs?”
“Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that. Why?”
“Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you don’t feed them like you should, they shouldn’t eat wastes.”
Then he fined the farmer.
Some days later, another person arrived and asked the same question. The farmer answered: “Well, I feed them very well. I give them salmon, caviar, shrimp, steak…why?”
“Because I am from the United Nations Organization and I think it’s unfair that you feed your pigs like that when there are people dying with nothing to eat.”
And he fined the farmer.
FEEDING PIGS – Funny business stories
Finally, another man came in and asked just the same question. The hesitant farmer answered after a few minutes: “Well, I give five pounds to each pig so they can buy whatever they want.”
The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read ‘BEST DEALS’. He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading ‘LOWEST PRICES’. The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea.
COMPETITION – Funny business stories
He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read… ‘MAIN ENTRANCE’.
Man Was Being Interviewed for a Job…
A man was being interviewed for a job.
“Were you in the service?” ask the interviewer.
“Yes, I was a marine,” responded the applicant.
“Did you see any active duty?”
“I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability.”
“May I ask what happened?”
“Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles.”
“You’re hired. You can start Monday at 10 am.”
“When does everyone else start? I don’t want any preferential treatment because of my disability.”
“Everyone else starts at 7 am but I might as well be honest with you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first.”
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune. One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. ‘I may look like just an ordinary man,’ he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I’ll inherit $65 million.’
FORTUNE – Funny business stories
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card. Three days later, she became his stepmother. Women are so much better at financial planning than men.
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
“I need someone with an accounting degree,” the man said. “But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me.” “Excuse me?” the accountant said. “I worry about a lot of things,” the man said.
SMALL BUSINESS – Funny business stories
“But I don’t want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back.” “I see,” the accountant said. “And how much does the job pay?” “I’ll start you at eighty thousand.” “Eighty thousand dollars!” the accountant exclaimed.
“How can such a small business afford a sum like that?” “That,” the owner said, “is your first worry.”
Hardly Worth Going Home
Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down next to the grieving widow.
“How old was your husband?” he asked.
“He was ninety-eight,” she answered softly. “Two years oder than I am.”
HARDLY WORTH GOING HOME – Funny business stories
“Really?” the undertaker said. “Hardly worth going home, wouldn’t you say?”
Working Like a Dog
It had taken him several months, but the executive vice president had finally persuaded his new secretary to bend over the back of his leather couch and allow him to have sex with her that way. “And just where have you been until this hour?” demanded his wife, when the wayward husband finally arrived home.
WORKING LIKE A DOG – Funny business stories
“Down at the office,” he replied, “working like a dog.”
Deaf Mafioso and Interpreter
The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were ‘protecting.’ Feeling the heat from the police force, they decide to use a deaf person for this job, figuring if he were to get caught, he wouldn’t be able to communicate to the police what he was doing.
In his first week, the deaf collector picks up more than $40,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money, and stashes it in a safe place.
The Mafia boss soon realizes the collection is late and sends some of his thugs after the deaf collector. The thugs drag the guy to an interpreter.
The right-hand man says to the interpreter, “Ask him where da money is.”
The interpreter signs, “Where’s the money?”
The deaf collector signs, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
The interpreter tells the main man, “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”
The main man pulls out a .38 and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. “NOW ask him where da money is.”
DEAF MAFIOSO AND INTERPRETER – Funny business stories
The interpreter signs, “Where is the money?”
The deaf collector signs, “The $40,000 is in a tree stump in Central Park just east of the big fountain.”
The interpreter’s eyes light up, and he says to the thug, “He says he still doesn’t know what you’re talking about, and doesn’t think you have the guts to pull the trigger.”
Doctor and Plumber
A pipe burst in a doctor’s house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600. The doctor exclaimed, “This is ridiculous! I don’t even make that much as a doctor!”
DOCTOR AND PLUMBER – Funny business stories
The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly said, “Neither did I when I was a doctor.”
Fisherman and Businessman
One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.
About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family.
“You aren’t going to catch many fish that way,” said the businessman to the fisherman, “you should be working rather than lying on the beach!”
The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, “And what will my reward be?”
“Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!” was the businessman’s answer.
“And then what will my reward be?” asked the fisherman, still smiling.
The businessman replied, “You will make money and you’ll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!”
“And then what will my reward be?” asked the fisherman again.
The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman’s questions. “You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!” he said.
FISHERMAN AND BUSINESSMAN – Funny business stories
“And then what will my reward be?” repeated the fisherman.
The businessman was getting angry. “Don’t you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!”
Once again the fisherman asked, “And then what will my reward be?”
The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, “Don’t you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won’t have a care in the world!”
The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, “And what do you think I’m doing right now?”
You’ve just read funny business stories. Hope you have fun!