Best humorous quotes

The best humorous quotes

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You'll never truly know a woman until she's drunk and mad at you - i speak sarcasm as a 2nd language
You’ll never truly know a woman until she’s drunk and mad at you – i speak sarcasm as a 2nd language
Light travels faster than sound . This is why some people appear bright until they speak
Light travels faster than sound . This is why some people appear bright until they speak
When you ger angry take a breath and count to 10 . Throw a punch at 8 . Nobody expects that
When you ger angry take a breath and count to 10 . Throw a punch at 8 . Nobody expects that
Facebook has confirm and ignore friend requests buttons . I think it needs a " Who the hell are you?" button 1
Facebook has confirm and ignore friend requests buttons . I think it needs a ” Who the hell are you?” button !
There are there kind of people in this world those who are good at math , and those who aren't
There are there kinds of people in this world those who are good at math , and those who aren’t
It's theoretical , of course . But i believe my math is sound - Best humorous quotes
It’s theoretical , of course . But i believe my math is sound – Best humorous quotes
If you reach over and choke you . It's not that i don't like you . It's just that i've had too much caffeine and you'er starting to piss me off
If you reach over and choke you . It’s not that i don’t like you . It’s just that i’ve had too much caffeine and you’er starting to piss me off
I changed my car horn to gun shot sounds... People move out of the way much faster now
I changed my car horn to gun shot sounds… People move out of the way much faster now
Old people at weddings always poke me and say " You're next" . So , i started doing the same thing to them at funerals
Old people at weddings always poke me and say ” You’re next” . So , i started doing the same thing to them at funerals
If women could read minds , every second man will get slapped ...
If women could read minds , every second man will get slapped …
Humanity is losing its geniuses . Aristotle died , Newton passed away ,Einstein died , and I'm not feeling well today ...
Humanity is losing its geniuses . Aristotle died , Newton passed away ,Einstein died , and I’m not feeling well today …
I don't have a dirty mind , i have a sex imagination
I don’t have a dirty mind , i have a sex imagination
hey ! I'll be back in 5 minutes but if i'm not just read this message again
hey ! I’ll be back in 5 minutes but if i’m not just read this message again
I meant to bahave .. but there were too many other options
I meant to behave .. but there were too many other options
When people suck the life out of you , wouldn't it be nice if they took some fat too ? - Best humorous quotes
When people suck the life out of you , wouldn’t it be nice if they took some fat too ? – Best humorous quotes
See , it doesn't hurts ! - So , why does mommy always creies when she steps on it ???
See , it doesn’t hurts ! – So , why does mommy always creies when she steps on it ???
When i see lovers'names carved in a tree , i don't think its cute . I just think it's crazy how many people bring knives on a date
When i see lovers’names carved in a tree , i don’t think its cute . I just think it’s crazy how many people bring knives on a date
Golf combines two favorite American pastimes : taking long walds and hitting things with a stick -- P.J-O'Rourke
Golf combines two favorite American pastimes : taking long walds and hitting things with a stick — P.J-O’Rourke
Home : Where i can look ugly and enjoy it
Home : Where i can look ugly and enjoy it
A sense of humor makes a MAN handsome
A sense of humor makes a MAN handsome
Humor is reason gone mad - Best humorous quotes
Humor is reason gone mad – Groucho Marx – Best humorous quotes
the best thing about me ... I'm a limited edition . There are no other copies ! Bet you're thinking thank the good lord !
The best thing about me … I’m a limited edition . There are no other copies ! Bet you’re thinking thank the good lord !
Why can't the housr clean itself . It seems to get dirty by itself !
Why can’t the housr clean itself . It seems to get dirty by itself
Seriously, i don't know when exactly that UFO landed & dumped all these stupid people , but they are apparently aren't coming back for them
Seriously, i don’t know when exactly that UFO landed & dumped all these stupid people , but they are apparently aren’t coming back for them
Ladies , If a man says he will fix it , he will . There is no need to remind him every 6 month about it
Ladies , If a man says he will fix it , he will . There is no need to remind him every 6 month about it
As i have grown older . I've learned that pleasing evetyone is impossible , but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake
As i have grown older . I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible , but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake -Best humorous quotes
Common sense is like deodorant . The people who need it most never use it
Common sense is like deodorant . The people who need it most never use it
My 4 moods : I'm too old for this shit . I'm too tired for this shit . I' too sober for this shit . I don't have time for this shit
My 4 moods : I’m too old for this shit . I’m too tired for this shit . I’ too sober for this shit . I don’t have time for this shit
Everything i like is either illegal immoral fattenning expensive or impossible
Everything i like is either illegal immoral fattening expensive or impossible
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