Best humorous quotations

Best humorous quotations

Read and enjoy Best humorous quotations

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The only reason i would take up jogging is so that i could hear heavy breathing again - Erma Bombeck
The only reason i would take up jogging is so that i could hear heavy breathing again – Erma Bombeck
Here are some of my favorite humorous sayings and quotes about reading and books . I hope you enjoy them and they make you smile
Here are some of my favorite humorous sayings and quotes about reading and books . I hope you enjoy them and they make you smile
Willpower . Forces you to get up in the morning . Prevents you from punching people you hate . Syops you from eating yummy food 24/7 . Makes you do work !
Willpower . Forces you to get up in the morning . Prevents you from punching people you hate . Stops you from eating yummy food 24/7 . Makes you do work !
If you're going to be a smart ass - first you have to be smart otherwise you're just an ass
If you’re going to be a smart ass – first you have to be smart otherwise you’re just an ass
Facebook is like a jail . You sit around , waste time , have a profile picture , write on walls and get poked by guys you don't really know
Facebook is like a jail . You sit around , waste time , have a profile picture , write on walls and get poked by guys you don’t really know
If i reach over and choke you . It's not that i don't like you . It's just that i've had too mcuh caffeine and you're starting to piss me off
If i reach over and choke you . It’s not that i don’t like you . It’s just that i’ve had too much caffeine and you’re starting to piss me off
Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tommoriw just as welll - Mark Twain
Never put off till tomorrow what may be done the day after tomorrow just as well – Mark Twain
Don't like me ? Cool , on't wake up every day yo impress you
Don’t like me ? Cool , on’t wake up every day yo impress you – Best humorous quotations
You know when Pocahontas is all , " Sup , John Smith ? Let me show you this tree ." And John Smith is like , " Yo , this tree talks ! We should make out " Well , I'd like to do that with you one day
You know when Pocahontas is all , ” Sup , John Smith ? Let me show you this tree .” And John Smith is like , ” Yo , this tree talks ! We should make out ” Well , I’d like to do that with you one day
There are 3 kinds of people in this world . Those who are good at math , and those who aren't
There are 3 kinds of people in this world . Those who are good at math , and those who aren’t
Me : I'm actually happy right now . Life : LOl one sec !
Me : I’m actually happy right now . Life : LOl one sec !
Unless your name is google stop acting like you know everything ;)
Unless your name is google stop acting like you know everything ;)
I will not keep calm and you can fuck off
I will not keep calm and you can fuck off – Best humorous quotations
When you get angry take a breath and count to 10 . Throw a punch at 8 . Nobody expects that
When you get angry take a breath and count to 10 . Throw a punch at 8 . Nobody expects that
Life is so much easier with a sense of humor
Life is so much easier with a sense of humor
That moment when you finish a book , look around , and realize that everyone is just carrying on with their lives .... As though you didn't just experience emotional trauma at the hands of a paperback
That moment when you finish a book , look around , and realize that everyone is just carrying on with their lives …. As though you didn’t just experience emotional trauma at the hands of a paperback
Oxford dictionary of humorous quotations " too much of a good thing is wonderful " - Mae West - Gyles Branddreth
Oxford dictionary of humorous quotations ” too much of a good thing is wonderful ” – Mae West – Gyles Branddreth
I can't take this long distance relationship anymore . Fridge , you're coming to my room
I can’t take this long distance relationship anymore . Fridge , you’re coming to my room
To be old and wise , you must first have to be young and stupid
To be old and wise , you must first have to be young and stupid
All my life i thought air was free ... until i bought a bag of chips
All my life i thought air was free … until i bought a bag of chips
Just sitting here on the corner of awesome and bombdiggity
Just sitting here on the corner of awesome and bombdiggity
Rules for love . For men , you have to know her , to love her . For women , you have to love him , to know him . :)
Rules for love . For men , you have to know her , to love her . For women , you have to love him , to know him . :)
True love ... hurray for feminism
True love … hurray for feminism
Why pay money to have your family and tree traced ; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you
Why pay money to have your family and tree traced ; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher - Flannery O'Connor
There’s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher – Flannery O’Connor
I'm sorry , what language are you speaking ? It sounds like bullshit
I’m sorry , what language are you speaking ? It sounds like bullshit
Why does toilet paper need a commercial ? Who is not buying this ?
Why does toilet paper need a commercial ? Who is not buying this ? – Best humorous quotations
I don't drink these days . I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics . I break out in handcuffs - robert Downey , Jr
I don’t drink these days . I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics . I break out in handcuffs – robert Downey , Jr
What do people do with all the extra time they save by writting "K" instead of "Ok "?
What do people do with all the extra time they save by writting “K” instead of “Ok “?
Don't think of yourself as an ugly person . Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey
Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person . Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey
Best humorous quotations
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